


Take All You Need (It's All Me)

by reelreal



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Character-centric, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 01:51:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reelreal/pseuds/reelreal
Summary: John needs Ten to hand him his heart. Or he will end up just like the others. A post out of many. A single line on the tally marks in the notebook of his past lovers.He wants to be the one and only for Ten. The end of his journey. The place Ten will be in for forever.





	Take All You Need (It's All Me)

John woke up to an empty dorm.

 

It’s been days and yet, he’s still not used to it. Not hearing any soft snores from the bed above him, nor the random song playing from the room beside theirs. He may be the one who wakes up the earliest, but he swears that sometimes the other members goes to sleep the moment he opens his eye.

 

He’s not used to the silence;  _ not anymore _ .

 

He grew up in an empty house. Both of his parents were always busy at work, hence the young latch-key John was used to staying alone. He hated it, he always ended up playing with his friends at his own house or at the nearby field. Anywhere was fine, as long as he wasn’t enveloped in the silence.

 

Though, slowly, he got used to the silence and began to love it. He loved how the silence embraced him when he’s reading. Silence had became his friend ever since he fell in love with books and words.

 

Then came Korea.

 

It was awkward for him at first. Having to stay at his aunt’s house, where there would be someone else aside from him each time he goes home. Then, he moved to live at the dormitory, where silence and privacy are a luxury.

 

Back then, he would long for the summer to end so he could go back home to the silence. But now, he could barely imagine how he managed to survive with this much silence.

 

Not after he fell in love with the noise.

 

He gets up from his room and moves to the living room. “Since there’s no noise, I should just make one”, he thought.

 

He sits on the couch, leans back on the cushion someone had left there, and drapes a blanket —most probably Dongyoung’s, over his lap. He takes the remote control and turns the television on, switching until he finds something worth watching.

 

:::

 

He doesn’t know how many hours had passed since he started watching, how many movies he had watched? He only knows that it’s past lunch time, due to an empty plate in front of him. One that he didn’t even realized bringing. What did he eat even?

 

Beep

 

John’s ears perked up at the sound of someone punching in the keycode to the dormitory. He tries to count how many days has it been since their holiday started. It does not add up. Everyone should be in their own home, with their family. Everyone but him and — _ oh. _

 

He leans back to the cushion and puts the blanket on his side. He won’t be needing it anymore anyway, not if the person who comes, is the one he thought he is.

 

The door opened and John can make out the sound of someone walking in and taking their shoes off, before hearing the sound of the cupboard opening. By then, he knew that he was right. There is no one else who would do it; except him, it’s his habit, his own ritual each time he goes there.

 

Muffled steps, due to the usage of indoor slippers, could be heard. It gets closer,  _ closer _ , closer. And even though John is trying to ignore it, he can’t. For with each step the person takes, the faster his heart beats. It’s as if his heart is answering to the call of its owner.

 

It’s scary, indeed. To realize that your heart isn’t yours anymore. To find out that someone else had taken control of it. It was the same for John, till he told both himself and his heart that  _ it’s okay. _ Because he had let the other, this specific person, to control them; willingly.

 

For John had decided to give the other his everything. His life, his heart, they are nothing compared to his presence by his side.

 

“Hyung,” the familiar voice comes alongside the footsteps. John stays silent, keeping his face blank, while looking at the monitor.  _ What is it again that I’m watching? _

 

The other then walks around the couch and plops down beside John, leaning his head on the tall guy’s right shoulder. It’s as though his head belongs there. And it does, because everything of John’s is his anyway.

 

Everything of John is Ten’s, and John would never argue with that.

 

“Hyung,” he says again, and this time, John feels that Ten was moving his head. It seems like the younger now is staring at him from his position. “Hyung, I broke up.”

 

_ Again. _

 

He knows, actually. John always knows.

 

It had become an endless loop: Ten finds himself a lover, Ten leaves John alone because he would rather spend his time with his lover, then Ten breaks up and goes back to John because he knows that the older man will be there to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together. Then, the cycle starts again.

 

John can’t even count how many times this had happened. It seemed like he had been in the same position —embracing the broken-hearted boy, telling him it’s going to be alright, wiping his tears, just to be left alone once the tears dry- ever since they knew each other. Ever since the younger found out that John was captivated by his charm.

 

It’s as though John is dancing on Ten’s palm. Always doing what the younger expects him to do.

 

“Then?” John finally says, his voice rough. He just realized that he hadn’t been saying anything the whole day. It’s not as if he had someone to talk with nor anything to talk about before Ten came. He clears his throat. “What do you want?”

 

He can hear Ten rolling his eyes. It’s funny, he had known the young guy too well to know what he would do in any given situation. John then closes his eyes, embracing himself for what to come next.

 

As he thought, Ten started poking on his ribs. “Entertain me~” he can hear the pout in the younger’s voice. Ten always whines if he doesn’t get what he want, especially when it comes to John. “Don’t you feel sad for me, John-hyung?”

 

Sighing, John turns to his side; finally looking at Ten for the first time ever since the younger came.

 

The first thing John pays attention to, as always, is his eyes. The dark orbs that usually sparkles now look dull. The skin that frames them are puffy and red. He had been crying. For how long? Hours? Days? 

 

He then paid attention to the younger’s face. John knew that the younger had been neglecting his own grooming routine. He could see some stubbles, one he usually wouldn’t let anyone see, and there were some flakes on his nose. He had wiped them with tissue once too many.

 

It’s an all too familiar look for him. A broken-hearted Ten.

 

He wonders how could he look at Ten in this condition without breaking down. To see someone he holds dearly in his heart, look so broken beyond repair for so many times.

 

Maybe he gotten too used to it. Too used that he had forgotten how it feels to feel sad for Ten.

 

Yet, he still takes Ten in his arm and gets the younger to sit in between his legs. He wraps his arms around his torso, holding him close, while propping his chin on his shoulder. Trying to pay attention to the television again.

 

“Haven’t I told you to find someone who won’t break your heart?”

 

Because it always goes like this.

 

People would fall in love with Ten in a short time. He is lovable, charming, and knows how to capture people around him with a smile. That’s how he took everyone’s heart, everyone but John, who falls in love with him for a whole nother reason.

 

But they always fall out of love easily, just as how they fell in.

 

Ten, oblivious pretty little Ten, doesn’t know why they did. He was always left in the dark, wondering what was wrong with him. Mulling over every possible reason that he could find without ever finding the answer.

 

He doesn’t know that John knows the answer; he had been holding it in his hands the whole time. 

 

Ten doesn’t answer his question. He knows he shouldn’t, because John will find another question that wouldn’t be of any help in comforting him. What he doesn’t know is why John didn’t even try to console him.

 

A sigh escapes Ten’s lips as he leans back onto John’s chest, making himself comfortable. He brings his hands up to play with the older’s fingers. John finds them endearing, pretty little fingers in between his own long stubby ones.

 

“Hyung,” Ten nuzzles his nose on John’s neck. The older feels a shiver running up his spine but he suppressed it. He shouldn’t let Ten know that his actions are affecting him. “Hyung, I miss you.”

 

The brown haired guy tries to calm his breath, as his heart leaps out of joy hearing the sentence.  _ Calm down, my heart _ , he muses to himself.  _ He says that to anyone _ .

 

“I know.”

 

Ten sighs, again. John knows that he’s getting frustrated. Ten isn’t used to the older not playing by his rules. But this time, John is playing his own game.

 

The Thai pulls John’s hands away from him as he gets up just enough to move himself to sit on the older’s lap. Then he gets the older’s arms to wrap onto his waist again.

 

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

 

“About what?”

 

“About me breaking up.”

 

This time, it’s John who sighs.

 

“What do you want me to say, Ten?” he pauses, weighing the words on his tongue. “I told you so?”

 

Then there’s a silence. The television is still on, but John could barely make out what they were talking about, or what scene it was. His focus is on Ten, his voice, and his everything, even though John still had his face set onto the monitor. Trying to fake his emotion.

 

Ten moved again. This time, he circled his arms around John’s neck. Slowly, he leaned forward to rest his face on the juncture where John’s neck meets his shoulder. Ten’s lips was dangerously close to John’s pulse.

 

“Why don’t you comfort me just this once…?”

 

He leans forward to press his lips onto John’s neck, making the older’s breath hitched a little. John looks down to see Ten curling his lips to a smile.

 

“Please?”

 

John moves his hand to Ten’s thigh, pulling the smaller body closer to him. He can’t help but think about how their body fit together, just like a puzzle. It’s as though Ten’s small frame belongs in his embrace.

 

Even if his heart isn’t... _ yet. _

 

“You’re always like this,” John whispers.

 

It is just how Ten is; he always craves the attention. He wants to take all for himself. He takes and takes. And he will do everything to tempt the other to  _ give _ .

 

Ten’s body tenses up at the words. He raises his shoulders and thighs up, curling himself to a foetal position, or as close as he can get to one, on John’s lap. He looks down so now his forehead is nestling on the older’s neck.

 

“Hyung,” again, he breaks the silence. His voice differs from before. It’s smaller, unsure, as though he’s afraid. And it made him look small in John’s eyes.

 

“Are you tired of me?”

 

The ‘too’ in the end was being left unsaid, but John knows it’s there. Hanging on the cliff of possibilities. He heard it loud and clear. For he knows.  _ He knows. _

 

John pressed his lips on the top of the younger’s head, through the thick black tresses of hair. And he can feel Ten tensed up even more as his lips touches the skin. “No,” he lets his lips stay. “How can I?”

 

Because it’s true; he will never get tired of Ten. Getting tired of him, for John, is just like getting tired of oxygen. He can’t be without him, even when his own existence is nothing but a convenience.

 

“It’s unfair,” Ten mumbles to John’s shirt.

 

“What is?”

 

“You, hyung, you are so unfair.”

 

_ Me? _

 

“You’re always acting so kind to me. You’re unfair.”

 

John chuckles. He really can trust on Ten’s constantly changing moods. One second the younger would accuse him of the untrue, another he would say how  _ he’s so kind. _

 

“But I’m kind to everyone, Ten.”

 

And it’s true. John is kind to everyone, to every single person who resides in his heart, those who stayed by his side. He would do all he could for them.

 

But, of course, Ten is different.

 

“But only I get your hugs and kisses.”

 

_ Why should I give them to someone else? They are not you. _

 

“It’s because they’ve never asked for any.”

 

... _ neither did you _ .

 

Ten pulls himself away from John, sitting up straight, and looks at the older. His lips are pursed together to form a pout, eyebrows knitted together. John still pretends to look at the screen.

 

“Does that mean you will hug and kiss anyone who ask you to?”

 

John hums, nodding slightly.

 

He knows he’s pulling Ten’s strings like this. He’s doing it on purpose. Pulling,  _ pulling _ . Waiting for the time to take his hold off and let the string snaps back to Ten. Because by then, and only then, will Ten be opened for him to see.

 

That is how Ten is. He doesn’t play by anyone’s rule but his. It’s his game he’s playing after all. He doesn’t open up to anyone except when he decides to.

 

So John pulls Ten into  _ his  _ game. Slowly. Without the younger realizing.

 

He always plays it safe, making Ten think that John is under his control. That everything is going according to his own wishes and rules. While, in fact, Ten is being let dancing on John’s open palm.

 

But now John is closing his hand, wanting to trap Ten in his, and never let go.

 

“You can’t do that.” Ten finally snaps. His tone authoritative and speaks of finality. It’s an order.

 

And John could barely hold himself from smiling. The corners of his lips were twitching slightly. He enjoys this, seeing Ten act like he expected him to. He can read Ten just like an open book.

 

And he can see how it goes from there on.

 

“You can only hug and kiss me.”

 

Another order.

 

The younger puts his little dainty fingers on John’s jaws, slowly pulling them until the older is looking at him. Until John’s sight is filled with Ten and Ten alone.

 

Which, is an irony.

 

When did John ever set his sight on anywhere else? Never. Ten is the only one he sees.

 

“Why?”

 

Another pull.

 

John knows that it’s not enough, but he has to be patient. He has to pull the strings slowly. Or else, Ten would realize that he’s being played at and will turn the game back onto his side.

 

Ten is a manipulative little shit.

 

“Because you are mine, hyung.”

 

But someone who thinks that he is the best is easier to be manipulated back.

 

Ten leans closer to give John a kiss. A seal to their fate, making John the next post out of many. Closer,  _ closer _ .

 

John can feel Ten’s hot breath on his lips. One more millimeter and their lips would touch.

 

So he pushes Ten away.

 

He moves Ten to sit on the couch as he stands up. He lays the younger down on the cushion he leaned on and drape the blanket over him. A grim look on his face.

 

And Ten is looking at him, eyes wide, mouth agape.

 

“I’m not yours, Ten.”

 

_ Not unless you are mine _ .

 

One thing that John is sure about more than anything else in the world is that; he loves Ten. It’s the only reason why he’s being like this. Pulling and pushing Ten apart.

 

That’s the only thing he can do to make Ten his and only his.

 

He needs to make Ten succumbs to him a hundred percent.

 

The reason why Ten always fails in his relationships was due to the fact that he would never give his heart to anyone. He would only show them a part of it but never giving it to them. Whereas, everyone would give him everything they have.

 

They wished, hoped and even prayed that Ten would at least give them a part of his heart, just a tiny part would be enough. But he doesn’t. He always keeps it to himself. Playing everything safe.

 

He was afraid, of being hurt and broken. But that attitude of his was the reason why he kept getting hurt.

 

But John would not complain, as was also the reason why Ten keeps coming back to him.

 

Ten entrusts his heart to him. He knows that John will always be taking good care of it, and so John does. But Ten never gives him his heart.

 

And it’s not enough.

 

John needs Ten to hand him his heart. Or he will end up just like the others. A post out of many. A single line on the tally marks in the notebook of his past  _ lovers. _

 

He wants to be the one and only for Ten. The end of his journey. The place Ten will be in for forever.

 

So he needs to break Ten, first and foremost.

 

“You’re tired,” John straightens up. “Get some rest, Ten.”

 

He turns the volume down and puts the remote control back on the coffee table. After giving Ten a small smile, he turns his back, and walked into his empty room. Leaving the teary eyed boy behind.

 

He knows that Ten will be crying. That he is cracking. So instead of filling the cracks like he always did, John was letting them get bigger.

 

He needs Ten to be broken into pieces.

 

:::

 

One thing with silence that John absolutely loves is that it helps him to focus. Either on the words of the book that he is reading or to the words in his head.

 

He’s on his bed, back propped against the pillow, with a book in his hands. His eyes are scanning across the pages filled with words, while his head is thinking about something else entirely.

 

He can’t get his head away from the person who he had left on the couch. He wondered if Ten is still there, he can’t listen to the door being opened from inside the room. However, he could still hear the faint noise that came from the television, though, so Ten might still be there.

 

Another thing he’s concerned about is whether Ten is still broken or had he mend himself back. He hoped for the former.

 

Because he will be the one who puts Ten’s pieces back together.

 

He’s still pondering when the door to his and Taeyong’s shared room creaks open, faint footsteps following after. A smile creeps up on his face.  _ Finally. _

 

Ten closes the door behind him, walking slowly. John flips the page, pretending that he didn’t hear anything. He keeps ignoring Ten until the younger stops, a few steps away from his bed.

 

“Hyung…”

 

His voice is small. It’s barely above a whisper. Yet it sounds beautiful in John’s ears. Ten’s voice is hoarse, and he sounds  _ broken _ .

 

Another few steps and John feels a dip on his bed. A hand shows up in front of him and takes the book perched in his hands away. John sighs.

 

When he looks up, he is met by a pair of glossy dark orbs. Tears decorating them like diamonds. The rims are even redder than before. Streaks of tears are evident on his cheeks.

 

Ten looks beautiful.

 

The black haired guy puts the book away, knees climbing onto the bed and to John. He straddles the older and takes his hands, putting them onto his cheeks. John can feel tears wetting his thumb.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

His voice is caught in his throat, blocked by the sobs he tries to get rid of and the unshed tears.

 

Ten is shattered, John can see the pieces scattered around; broken beyond repair. But he knows that he can fix him, knows how to put the pieces back together in the way he wants it to be. The only thing he needed is for Ten to hand the pieces to him, one by one, willingly.

 

So he says nothing. He just blinks, staring blankly at the vast darkness of Ten’s eyes. Wondering how could someone look this pretty. How could tears make someone look out of worldly pretty.

 

John hopes that his face won’t betray him by showing bouts of emotions. He should be still, looking as emotionless as he can. If he wavers now, he won’t be getting another chance for long. Until another breakup that can make Ten breaks down. He won’t wait for that long, he can’t bear the longing inside him to just claim Ten as his.

 

Ten leans closer, letting John’s hands fall from his face, and kisses him on his cheek. A silent plea. And this time, John fights hard to stop the smile from blooming on his face just like the warmth that blossomed in his heart.

 

Ten is starting to give him his shattered pieces.

 

But he can’t smile. Not yet. He needs the younger to openly say it. The words that will tie him with the poor innocent boy who doesn’t know that he is being controlled, manipulated, until he’s broken. That would tie them in an unbreakable bond in exchange for him to mend his shattered self.

 

“Would you accept me?”

 

And the warmth that began in his heart starts flowing in his blood. It warms him from the inside out, ready to accept the broken pieces that Ten is handing him. Because Ten is surrendering himself fully, giving all of himself, and letting John control him; this time, with his knowing.

 

So John takes him in his arms, holding him close. He lets the younger lies on his chest and peppers his face with small kisses. ‘Good boy,’ he conveys with every kiss. He can feel Ten smiling, content to be in his arms.

 

He changes his position, lying down on the bed and lets Ten stay snugly on top of him. His hand stroking on the younger’s back, lulling him to sleep. Ten deserves to be rewarded for giving him his everything.

 

Now John needs Ten to get some rest to calm himself down. And when he wakes up, John will be ready to mend his shattered pieces back together, slowly but sure, to one that can’t live without him.

 

And finally, Ten will be his.

 

:::

 

John opens his eyes to the voice of a soft snore and a weight on top of him.

 

He didn’t even know when did he fell asleep. He rubs on his face, trying to get the sleep away. He doesn’t know why is there something on his chest but he’s okay with that. It feels nice.

 

As his conscious greets him, he finally realizes that on his chest, sleeping soundly, is Ten. The love of his life, the star that shines his night,  _ his  _ Ten.

 

John runs his hand along Ten’s beautiful black tresses, revelling in how soft they feel on his hand. Then he moves them down to the younger’s back, feeling how it vibrates with every soft breath he takes.

 

It feels nice. It feels like home.

 

Brought up in a silent home, John welcomes the static noise that Ten’s breaths and snores bring. He can’t wait till he wakes up and be greeted by the noise that his lips would make.

 

Even though he loves the silence, John is more than happy to live apart from it. As long as Ten is with him. As long as Ten is his.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I'm sorry if it's incoherent, I got this idea early this month and I just can't not write this down. It's haunting me.  
> \- Thank you Ms. Dayah for helping me edit this, I owe you a lot as always  
> \- Don't kill me  
> \- You can yell at me on my twitter @shipjyanten tho


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